How to Avoid Seasoning Your Feet

Try Not to Eat Your Feet


We’ve all been there. Said something and realized we are suffering from the far too common ailment of “Foot in Mouth Disease”. That is, saying something offensive without meaning to. I want to say I think few have done it as well as I have: 

  • “Where’s your dad?” asked to a friend my age about the man who, unbeknownst to me, was married to her despite being the same age as my father
  • “How’s married life?” to a friend I had not seen since her wedding the year before. She answered “I don’t know” and I did not catch on that she was divorced.
  • “You stopped going to the gym too huh?” asked to a young co-worker who was not putting on weight – she was pregnant.

It got to the point where I began to consider showing up to cocktail events with salt and pepper in my purse in case I needed to season my feet to prepare to swallow them! How to avoid seasoning your feet? Put down the salt and pepper shaker (or pepper sauce). Follow these steps when it comes to making “small talk”: 

  1. NEVER ASSUME: Unless you are 100% certain of a relationship between 2 people, don’t assume they are parents, couples or lovers. A simple, how’s your friend will suffice. It is better to be corrected for an innocuous statement than to be corrected for being obnoxious.
  2. FOCUS on WHAT you KNOW: Known a friend for a long time? Focus on her! How have you been since school? What are you up to these days? In other words, stay focused in the present or on the FACTS you know from the past that are not dependent on anyone else.
  3. ALWAYS COMPLIMENT: Not sure what to say? Compliment something they are wearing. For example: Great shoes. Where’d you get them? Or you always look so polished! How do you do it? Fact – people like to be told nice things about themselves. A complement goes a hell of a long way to open a conversation. Way better than a first hand confession that you definitely have a bad case of foot in mouth disease.

The list is short – I know. But guess what? Chances are if you’re like me and you’ve suffered from Foot in Mouth, you probably won’t remember a detailed list. 

Go forth and socialize. Send me the notes AND your stories on how you avoiding having to season your feet!


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One Response to “How to Avoid Seasoning Your Feet”

  1. Mark Lyndersay Says:

    I’ve had too many of those moments, one of which involved a recently elected lady who I truly hope has forgotten it. Caution before speaking is a whole lot less fun, but it keeps me out of the conversation dumpster.

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